


The Easiest Way To Be Together

by thatpeculiarone



Category: Supernatural
Genre: 5+1 Things, Alternate Universe - Childhood Friends, Alternate Universe - Military, Dean/Cas Reverse Bang 2020 (Supernatural), Fluff, Growing Up Together, Love Confessions, M/M, Soldier Dean, Teacher Castiel (Supernatural)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-23
Updated: 2020-03-23
Packaged: 2021-03-01 01:21:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 14,220
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23277022
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thatpeculiarone/pseuds/thatpeculiarone
Summary: Ever since they were two years old, Dean and Castiel have been best friends. Growing up together, side by side, they cannot remember a time when their lives were not irrevocably intertwined.That is until the night that Dean announces that he is joining the army, just three days before he leaves for training. Castiel, who has never been a fan of change, now has to learn how to live life when his best friend is not only a couple of houses away.Over the next few years, the long periods of time apart and the hundred of miles distance are both different and difficult for them to accept.However, as the saying goes, "absence makes the heart grow fonder.".Or, the five times Dean and Cas have to say goodbye and the one time they don't.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 44
Kudos: 235
Collections: Dean/Cas Reverse Bang 2020





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone, thank you so much for choosing to read my story! I hope you enjoy!
> 
> First of all, the biggest of thanks and gratitude to the amazing artist I was paired with, [destiel-love-forever](https://destiel-love-forever.tumblr.com). She was amazing, so helpful with answering all my questions about the military and created so much amazing art. I'm literally in awe. Please go like her [masterpost](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23276014) and follow her on tumblr!
> 
> Secondly, thank you to the amazing [banshee1013](https://banshee1013.tumblr.com/) for beta'ing my work on such short notice! You were so helpful! 
> 
> Lastly, a big thank you to diamond, superhoney and aceriee for moderating and all your hard work!

_Remember,_

_Even when you miss someone,_

_Your heart can still say_

_“I love you.”_

-The Easiest Way To Be Together by Alexandra Vasiliu 

* * *

# PROLOGUE

If there was one thing that Castiel Novak was familiar with, it was the concept of change. 

He lived in a continuously changing world, where science and technology grew and adapted, forever expanding like the very universe the Earth was a part of. Being a teacher, change was constant, from the new forms of IT being brought into the classroom to the fancy new educational theories being taught at seminars. And don’t get him started on the curriculum, that changed almost everyday. 

He was used to it. Yet at the same time, it scared him. 

So growing up, he discovered that there were three things he could count on when the world changed around him. Three consistent and simple things. 

The first was his tattered copy of _The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe_ by C.S. Lewis. A book so worn that the cover was crinkled, the pages were yellow and the top corner of pages 37 and 38 was completely torn off. The book had sentiment to him, it being the one book that had been in his possession since he was a child. It was his favourite book of all time and one he could always count on to cheer him up during difficult times.

The second was his grandad’s watch, the one he had worn since the fifth grade. Before his grandad died, he had gifted it to him at a family dinner as a late birthday present. It wasn’t a fancy watch by any means, nothing like the shiny gold Rolexes seen in commercials. It was a simple analogue watch with a brown leather strap. Ever since it was gifted to him, he’d worn it almost everyday and made sure to take very special care of it. Whenever he looked at it, it would remind him of his grandad and it helped motivate him to continue on, push through whatever turmoil he was facing. He liked to think that he was making his grandad proud. 

The last thing was probably the most significant, something that he relied on for all of his formative years. Something so consistent that Cas couldn’t even imagine life without it. Without _him._

And that was Dean Winchester.

* * *

Castiel Novak and Dean Winchester met on a stormy day in November of 1994, in the small city of Lawrence, Kansas. It was a day that neither of them had any memory of, considering they were both only two years of age. But Dean’s mother Mary, has retold the story to them countless times.

_“It was like fate,”_ She always said. _“The moment you boys saw each other, you were best friends right away.”_

The story always embarrassed Dean to a certain degree, especially the wistful way his mother spoke about it. But to Castiel, it was his favourite story. He was always happy to hear it, no matter how many times Mary had recited it.

They had met in the home of Miss Missouri, a charismatic middle-aged woman who lived two blocks away from the street that both boys lived on. Dean had lived on that street, and in Lawrence, his entire two years of life. Castiel on the other hand, only moved in the week prior to the day they met. He’d moved from an even smaller city called Pontiac, which resided in the state of Illinois. His parents had uprooted their lives from there, away from the only family they’d ever known. And being in a whole new city without family, meant that they needed to find care for their toddler son. Miss Missouri’s home daycare was recommended by some neighbouring locals and one desperate phone call later, Castiel was booked to attend. 

Mary said she had been dropping Dean off when Castiel was carried in by his mother. Apparently what was first noticeable to her was Castiel’s eyes. He had always been told that he had peculiar eyes. as they had always been such a bright blue that sometimes they appeared to be glowing. But it wasn’t the blue hue of his eyes that Mary had noticed, rather it was the fact that they were brimming with big, salty tears. He was scared, frightened by the new place and his fear was what worried Mary. Castiel couldn’t blame his younger self, he wasn’t used to change then. 

His mother placed him down, turning her attention away from him to exchange a series of documents with Miss Missouri. Castiel was left standing on his own, in a room full of strange children and strange toys, a place so new and different to his little eyes. He let out a small sound -- a whimper.

The sound must have bothered Dean, as it was then that he popped his head up from the blocks he was playing with. And almost instantaneously, the two little boys' eyes met. 

_“And that was that.”_ Was how Mary always finished the story.

* * *

* * *

Castiel and Dean lived two houses apart and from the moment Castiel was old enough, he would spend most of his time at the Winchesters. Two years before he began school, Mary became pregnant with Dean’s younger brother and thus, quit her job to raise both her boys. The day she came to pick up Dean from his last day at Miss Missouri’s, she witnessed the two boys playing and couldn’t help but wonder what would happen to Castiel if Dean would no longer return. She waited until Castiel’s mother walked through the door and asked whether she would allow Mary to watch Castiel instead.

Castiel’s mother, who considered dropping Castiel to care as the biggest inconvenience, agreed wholeheartedly to only having to drop her son down the road. 

Of course, Mary never told the story like that. Castiel just filled the gaps in on his own. 

From that moment on, Mary practically became a mother to three boys as both Dean and Castiel were inseparable. From preschool to elementary, they shared the same classes and would play together during the breaks. Dean would always give Castiel half of his honey sandwiches, and in return, Castiel would give Dean the snack pudding from his lunchbox. 

Castiel spent his afternoons at the Winchester’s, until he had to head home for dinner. Despite their closeness, Dean rarely saw the inside of Castiel’s home -- because at the Winchester’s, there was always an extra seat for him. 

Middle school flew by in a blink of an eye and it was where Castiel first found his love for running. In freshman year of high school, he made the track team. Dean on the other hand, focused on his studies. The two of them both made a few AP classes by senior year and were able to share a few last classes together before their time in school ended. 

When college applications rolled around, Castiel wasn’t worried. He’d known from eighth grade that he wanted to be a teacher, after he had volunteered at Miss Missouri’s for community service. Dean, on the other hand, would always say he had no idea. College applications deadlines passed and Castiel still wasn’t sure if Dean had applied or not. 

When he got the acceptance letter to KU, he was happy, knowing he’d be able to remain in Lawrence for his studies. He assumed that Dean would be staying as well, taking a year off to work full-time at his father’s auto shop. He figured that it would continue to be like it always was, the two of them together. They’d continue to spend Saturdays watching movies at the Winchester’s and Friday nights having dinner in the heart of Lawrence. No need for change. 

Until the night of graduation.

The Winchesters held a party in their backyard, to celebrate the momentous occasion for both Dean and Castiel. Castiel’s parents were not the types to throw parties, in fact, he was surprised they were even in attendance. He figured they would’ve forgotten by then. 

After hours of mingling with a series of people, Castiel was pulled aside by Dean. They sat on the sidewalk out front, a place where they’d once spent a whole afternoon decorating the concrete in chalk. The moment Castiel laid eyes on Dean, he knew he was hiding something. He was biting his lip and his eyebrows were furrowed. He was worried about something. 

_“Spill it.”_ He’d said, hoping Dean could see the narrowing of his eyes in the dark.

It was then, through a shaky voice, that Dean finally admitted his plans for the future. 

_“I’ve joined the army.”_

It had been many years since that day and Castiel could not recall the exact words spoken from that point. He remembered the mixture of feelings he felt; worried, confused, scared, upset and a little angry that Dean had hidden it from him. They hashed it out there and then because as Mary had always told them, there was no use leaving words unsaid. 

He remembered a few questions he asked. _When do you leave?_ Three days. _How long will you be gone?_ A while. My contract is for four years. _Will I ever see you?_ Of course, you dumbass. 

Before Castiel left to go home, the two of them hugged. Despite their closeness, they had rarely shared intimate contact during their formative years. It was nice, the rare chances they got to hug. Dean promised that they’d hang out the next day, before he left for basic training. He’d be gone for ten weeks, several states over in Georgia. Castiel swore that he’d travel to see him for his graduation ceremony, even if he had to walk there himself. 

When Castiel fell into bed that night, emotionally wrecked from the thought of losing his best friend -- he reminded himself that it was only ten weeks. After tomorrow, he would only have to wait ten weeks to see Dean. 

What he failed to realise at the time was that over the next eight years, he was going to have to wait a lot longer to see his best friend again. 

And that time apart would leave words many left unsaid between them.

  
  


* * *

  



	2. I

#  I. 

**Friday, July 23rd 2010**

For the first time in his life, Castiel found himself up before the sun. Considering he had a love for sleeping, it definitely was a once in a lifetime occurrence for him. He got up, showered and dressed himself, before making sure he had everything he needed packed into his duffle bag. He left the house at quarter to six in the morning, the sun barely over the horizon. He didn’t bother saying goodbye to his parents, who were sure to be waking up soon for work. He had written where he would be on the family calendar. Except he didn’t think they’d notice, or care, either way. He could be gone for a week and they would never know. 

The sky was a pale pink and the birds were chirping away as Castiel strolled down the sidewalk. His walk only took a minute and a half exactly. He’d timed that walk many times before. When he was a kid, walking would take him an extra minute, considering he used to be much smaller. He used to count his steps as well, it had once taken him 252 in total. 

The walk led him right up to the front porch of the Winchester home, a place so familiar to Castiel that he might as well let himself in. But he was polite and still knocked, especially considering the early hour. Castiel once let himself in before school when he was in eighth grade, only to find Dean’s dad in his boxers. John Winchester had already been an intimidating man, but in that moment, Castiel had never been more frightened. John had just grunted a greeting before retreating back to his bedroom. Dean found the whole story hilarious.

John was the one who opened the door for Castiel that Friday. Fortunately, he was dressed this time, in a casual brown flannel and dad jeans. He smiled. 

“Mornin’ Cas, come in.” He said, stepping away from the doorway to let Castiel in. The nickname was something that the Winchester family had called him since day one. While Mary called him Castiel for a few years, Dean had never been able to pronounce the name as a young boy. Mary always said that Dean had always just called him Cas and after a while, it stuck. John only ever called him Castiel twice, when both boys had gotten up to some mischief within the Winchester home. And Sam, Dean’s little brother, had only ever known Castiel as Cas. Sam didn’t even find out Castiel’s full name until he was seven.

Sam was now fourteen, with all of them recently having celebrated his birthday on May 2nd. He was beginning his growth spurt and was now only two inches shorter than Cas. He had no doubt that he was going to outgrow both himself  _ and  _ Dean. When Cas found him that morning, he was lounging on the living room couch flipping through the channels. While Sam and Cas had always been as close as brothers, they had gotten a lot closer throughout that summer. With Dean doing basic training, Sam was left without a brother and Cas without a best friend. The two of them spent a lot of time hanging out at the Winchester’s, playing games. Sam had also been unbelievably excited when he found out that Cas shared a love of documentaries with him. Dean had never been a fan. 

As soon as Sam saw him walk in, his eyes lit up. 

“Cas!” He greeted with a grin, getting up and pulling him into a hug as if Castiel had only just returned from an extended vacation.

He had just seen Sam the day prior. 

“Hi Sam.” Cas responded, giving Sam a quick pat on the back before the teenager released him. 

“Mom’s got eggs and toast in the kitchen.” Sam said, settling back onto the couch. “Go have some. We’re planning to leave in about twenty minutes, once Mom and Dad are ready.”

Cas opened his mouth to refuse, always feeling guilty for taking the Winchester’s food. But he was interrupted by a voice calling him from the kitchen.

“Cas, get your butt in here and get some food.” Mary hollered.

Sam smirked and Cas sighed, but did as he was told. When he entered the kitchen, he found Mary standing by the kitchen sink. She was dressed the same as her husband, in a casual top and jeans with her blonde hair tied back in a ponytail. She narrowed her eyes at him.

“Cas, you should know by now that you are always welcome to eat my food.” She said, gesturing to food on the table. “I always make extra for you.” 

Cas wasn’t one to argue and sat down at the table and dug in. By the time he’d cleared his plate and washed his dishes, the Winchester family were all ready to go.

They left the province of Lawrence at half past six, heading east towards the state of Georgia. Tomorrow, Dean would be graduating from his basic training at Fort Benning, where he’d been for the last ten weeks. It felt crazy to Cas that he had survived this long without his best friend. The longest they had been apart was three weeks, during the time that Cas and his parents visited family back in Pontiac. Somehow, the past ten weeks could be described as an oxymoron. They had passed by slowly, yet fast at the same time.

The car trip was long, almost sixteen hours including stops. They’d stopped for gas numerous times (John Winchester’s 1967 Chevy Impala was not the most fuel efficient) and once for lunch at a diner just outside of Memphis. By the time they reached the small inn by the army post, it was just after 10pm. 

Cas went to sleep that night filled with anticipation. He dreamt of Dean, and the time they built mud pies in the Winchester’s backyard. 

* * *

* * *

  


The next morning was chaotic, with everyone getting up and dressed as quickly as possible. Cas was the last to be ready, considering he was the late sleeper of the bunch. However, they still made it to the venue with time to spare, taking their time to move through the security checkpoint. The graduation was being held at the National Infantry Museum, which was just across the highway from the Fort Benning post. The whole process was a blur for Cas as all he could think about was how he was finally,  _ finally  _ going to be reunited with Dean. 

Cas had only spoken to Dean once over the phone during his time in basic training. All he knew was that it was intense and they barely had the chance to pick up the telephone. Plus, Cas wanted to give those opportunities to Mary, John and Sam before him. He’d also sent one letter, but Dean never replied.

They waited in the stands for about an hour before the ceremony began. Cas spent that time helping Mary set up the camera and playing tic-tac-toe on the little notebook Sam carried with him. But then the ceremony began, the notebook was put away and their attention turned to the field where music began to play. The ceremony was long, but enjoyable and he couldn’t help but feel a burst of pride as the speaker discussed the intensive training that the soldiers had undergone and how each and every individual was an honourable man. 

He finally spotted Dean when they marched past the stands in formation. Dean was wearing his combat uniform and looking straight ahead with a neutral face. Everyone around Cas was cheering for their family members and friends, each and every person in the stands proud of the newly graduated soldier before them. Cas wanted to shout out how proud he was of Dean, how  _ that  _ was his best friend. Yet, no one would care but him. So, instead he just clapped and cheered, hoping Dean could hear him over the crowd. 

After the ceremony, it took them awhile to find Dean. Eventually they spotted him chatting to another soldier, the both of them waiting for their family members to seek them out. Immediately upon spotting the group of four, Dean’s eyes lit up and he walked towards them with his arms outstretched. 

It was as they got closer that Cas noticed how much Dean had changed in only ten weeks. While he still had the same cheeky smile and freckled cheeks, the rest of his physical appearance had altered. Some minor, such as the fact that his hair had been cut shorter, and some major, such as the fact that Dean was now very,  _ very… muscular.  _

Dean had never been unfit or overweight, he’d always been blessed with a fast metabolism. However, he’d never been very muscular growing up. He was scrawny and small, despite the fact that he was taller than Cas. He’d always had an average physique, not that it really bothered Cas. Cas had always hated his own muscular physique, specifically around his thighs. Years of running made his thigh muscles thick, which made him look as if all the weight in his body had gone straight to them. Dean had always said that Cas had nothing to be ashamed of and that he himself would never be able to run like he could. 

Now Dean’s  _ whole _ body was well-toned, from his arms, to his shoulders, to his legs. Most of it was covered by clothes, but imagining the six-pack that Dean had under his shirt made Cas flush a bright red. He watched as Dean’s arms moved to hug Mary and he couldn’t understand why his friend’s  _ muscles  _ of all things were making him this flustered. He tried to shove the thoughts as far out of his mind as he could, not wanting them to disturb the moment. 

Cas lingered back while Dean greeted his family. Hugs were exchanged with them all, along with quick pleasantries. After Dean hugged John, he immediately turned his gaze to Cas. Their eyes met, just like their first meeting years ago, and instantly --- Dean grinned. 

“Hey Cas.” 

Cas didn’t even hesitate to run into his friend’s arms, clutching onto him tightly for the first time in ten weeks. Dean hugged back and while the hug was definitely tighter, considering Dean’s added strength, it still felt the same as it had always been.

“I’ve missed you.” He told Dean quietly as they pulled apart.

Dean continued to smile. 

“I’ve missed you too.”

Once Dean had greeted them all, the five of them then left for lunch. They ate at a small cafe not far from the museum and spent the whole time listening to Dean’s stories of basic training. John Winchester himself was a veteran, serving many years as a Marine. Dean, on the other hand, had trained in infantry. Over a slice of apple pie for dessert, Cas listened as the two of them discussed the differences in their own training. 

They spent the rest of the afternoon at a local park, sitting at a picnic table and talking as well as reminiscing (well, mostly on Mary’s part). As dusk began to dwell, they headed back to the post so that Dean could make it back for his curfew. He had a few more days left at basic training before being moved to his new base. Fortunately for everyone, the base was only an hour outside of Lawrence. 

Dean and Cas ended up strolling behind as the family neared the post.

“Are you good? Are you okay?” Dean asked. Cas frowned.

“I’m okay, why do you ask?” 

“You’ve just been quiet today, that’s all.” Dean replied. “I mean… you’re normally quiet. I just meant… quieter than usual.”

“Just letting you enjoy time with your family.”

Dean narrowed his eyes. “Cas…  _ you’re  _ family too, you know that right?”

“I know but --”

“Not buts.” Dean interrupted. “I’ve missed you just as much as my family, okay? And I do wish we had more time to talk today. But… we didn’t get a lot of time in the first place. I just… I want you to know that I miss talking to you okay? It was hard not being able to call you up everyday and just tell you about how my day went. I guess I never realised how much I would miss it until I couldn’t do it. But I promise you, once I’m set up in Kansas, I’ll call you, okay?”

Cas smiled, “Okay.”

They stopped outside the front gate, Dean’s family waiting for him off to the side. Dean pulled Cas into another hug, holding him close. 

“I expect you to answer my calls, Novak. I ain’t gonna survive the next few years without weekly calls with my best friend.”

Tears burned in Cas’ eyes but he blinked them away. No, he was  _ not  _ going to cry. Not over something as simple as this. 

“I promise, I will,” he said.

“I’m going to miss you, buddy.” Dean murmured, breaking the hug. Cas couldn’t reply.

He watched as Dean walked away to say goodbye to his family members, so that he could get back, just in time for the evening formation. With one last wave, he jogged through security and into the base -- a place where none of them could follow.

Silently, the four of them headed back to the inn without Dean and settled down for the night. Tomorrow, they had another long car journey ahead of them. 

As Cas buried his head into his pillow, he heard a sigh from the bed next to him. 

“I miss him already.” Sam said. It was silent in their room for a moment.

Then, Cas spoke.

“Me too.”


	3. II

# II.

**Thursday, September 23rd 2012**

It took Cas a while to realise that he was actually in love with his best friend. 

It wasn’t a sudden realisation like most would think, it wasn’t as if one day he woke up and there was a giant neon sign, flashing the words: “You’re in love with Dean Winchester!” right in front of him. It was something that worked itself into his head gradually. 

He’d always known he was gay, he’d realised it as young as eleven. Yet, he’d never admitted it to anyone. Not his parents (but why on Earth would he tell  _ them  _ of all people), not the Winchesters and especially not Dean. He had no idea why he couldn’t just say it, just tell people that he liked men. He felt maybe it was because he liked keeping that part of him private. It wasn’t as if straight people ever had to go out of their way to admit their sexuality, so why should he? He felt it was unnecessary. He didn’t plan on dating right now, and when he eventually did? Well, he’d cross that bridge when he came to it. 

However, he never thought he was attracted to Dean. For years, he looked at Dean as just his best friend, almost like a brother. That was until he began to attend college and small thoughts and desires began to pop into his mind far more frequently than he wanted them too. 

Such as the thoughts of Dean’s muscular torso, or the way he felt wrapped up in Dean’s arms. Or random dreams of the words:  _ “I’ve missed you”  _ and “ _ You’re family.”  _ Some days he woke up feeling flushed and sweaty and he had no idea why. Just that the thought of Dean sent chills up his spine.

It wasn’t enough to piece together all at once, in fact, it took at least two years of college for him to work it out.

He was a few weeks into the Fall semester. He’d only seen Dean once since his graduation, which was at Christmas the previous year. Cas had been too busy to visit the base and Dean was only granted minimal breaks. They called every week though. Cas kept his promise. 

Dean was currently deployed in Afghanistan and everyday, Cas felt a small pang of worry for his friend. While Dean always reassured him that he’d be fine, Cas didn’t like the thought of his friend running into an active war zone several times a week. He never felt comforted by Dean’s words, he never felt that he  _ would  _ really be fine. He waited for the day he’d get a call from Mary saying that Dean was killed in action. While his friend assured him that it’d unlikely be the case, the fact that it was a mere possibility always made Cas anxious.

So he studied and read and worked his butt off to try and forget the fact that Dean was currently on some mission across the world. He kept himself distracted. 

His lecture for the day finished, Cas left in a hurry, wanting to get home to finish off the current assignment he was working on. The bus stop was a few minutes walk away and not being to one to dawdle, he began to speed walk. However, he was only able to get a few steps before he was interrupted by the sound of a voice calling him. 

“Castiel Novak, where do you think you’re going?” 

As soon as the familiar drawl pierced Cas’ ears, he found himself turning around in an instant to find it’s owner. 

He stood ten feet away by a lamppost, a shit-eating grin on his face that could probably be seen from miles away. He was wearing a pair of denim jeans and a green henley. The shirt sat snugly around his torso and subconsciously, Cas noted how insanely good it looked on him. 

“What? Aren’t you going to say hi?” The man called out, walking a little closer. Bystanders near them looked over curiously as they walked by, but thankfully didn’t stop to watch the interaction. 

Cas barely had time to process the words before he was running full force, colliding straight into the awaiting body and clutching it tight. 

Two minutes ago, he thought his best friend was in the middle of war. And now? He was holding onto him for dear life. 

“Dean Michael Winchester, I hate you so much.” Cas growled into his friend’s shoulder. 

Dean laughed and clapped Cas on the back a couple of times, before letting him go.

“I missed you too, Cas,” he said, his smug grin still on his face. “Now, what do you say we grab a bite to eat? Don’t know about you but I’m  _ starving _ .”

They went to the local burger joint, one that Dean and Cas had frequented as teenagers. They both got their usual orders; Cas always got just a burger with the basics, whereas Dean went all out with a double bacon cheeseburger. And just like that, they both settled into a familiar routine. 

Dean explained that he’d gotten home the day before and both his parents had known. They’d surprised Sam as well and Cas felt glad that he hadn’t been the odd man out, despite how lovely the surprise was. He spent the meal listening to Dean talk about his deployment and Dean listened as Cas talked about his classes (although, it wasn’t nearly as exciting). When their plates were cleared, they walked side by side to the bus stop, Dean continuously nudging Cas with his shoulder.

They headed back to the Winchester’s, Sam the only one being home as both Mary and John were working. They spent an hour playing video games with Sam before the teenager had to go to his room to study. As soon as the bedroom door closed, Dean turned to Cas.

“So, my folks tell me that you’ve been having weekly dinners here?” He asked.

“Yeah.” 

“Why?”

Cas noticed the glimmer behind Dean’s eyes and saw where he was leading. Cas smiled.

“Because I’m family.”

The smile that lit up Dean’s face was as bright as a thousand suns. He punched Cas on the shoulder softly.

“Damn right you are.” 

Truth being told, he’d always considered himself a part of the Winchester family. He definitely was more of a Winchester than a Novak. Yet, there had always been this small part of him… something that made him feel just the slightest bit out of place. And for years, he could never quite pick up on it. 

Cas stayed for dinner that night and had to endure a billion photographs from Mary as she continuously exclaimed: “All my boys are back together again!”. They had chocolate chip ice cream for dessert (Dean’s favourite), before the Winchesters retired to bed and Cas returned home. 

Dean was on break for three weeks and Cas saw him every single day. Some days it was only for dinner or for a quick chat by the front door. Others, he spent almost the entire day with his friend, catching up on small things that they’d missed about the other. One of those days, Dean took Cas to the local bookstore and made him buy five books. 

“One book for how many days I missed your birthday by.” Dean told him shyly, referring to Cas’ recent birthday. It’d been on September 18th and he’d celebrated it with John, Mary and Sam. His parents left him a cheque on the coffee table for $300. 

He picked up five books, one of them being  _ Miss Peregrine’s Home for Peculiar Children  _ by Ransom Riggs. They spent that afternoon lounged in the Winchester’s living room, with Cas reading three quarters of the book to Dean. It was reminiscent of when they were children, when Cas (who was always a slightly more advanced reader than Dean) would read his friend picture books on his bed. They finished the last quarter the following morning. 

When it was time to say goodbye again, Cas attempted to ignore the painful feeling that was suffocating his heart. He didn’t want Dean to leave, but knew he had to. He knew that what Dean was doing was important. So he hugged his friend tightly and promised that he’d eventually visit and as always, that they’d call every week.

Three days went past before Cas looked at the Ransom Riggs book again. Instead of placing it on his bookshelf, he found himself reading it. He related a lot to the main character of the book, a sixteen-year old teenager who didn’t belong in his own family. He felt that way all the time, not welcomed in his own home by parents who never wanted a child. But coming from a religious family, they were forced to keep him and give him the name  _ Castiel  _ of all things. The only reason he grew up feeling loved, was because of Mary, John, Dean and Sam. He knew he was a part of their family, he  _ knew  _ he belonged there. He just couldn’t tell what bugged him about it. 

Another six days went by before Cas fully realised. 

How could he be part of that family, be like another son to Mary and John, when he was in love with Dean?

  


* * *

  



	4. III

# III.

**Saturday, November 2nd 2013**

During their weekly phone call that week, Dean asked Cas if he was free that weekend.

_ “Yes… why?”  _ He replied. 

_ “I want you to come visit me!”  _

The Fort Riley base was an hour car drive outside of Lawrence. Dean had been living there for nearly four years, during his entire duration as a soldier. Yet despite that, Cas had never visited. He knew for a fact that the Winchester family had visited twice and both times, Cas was unable to tag along. The first was because of his midterms. The second? The stomach flu. Both himself and Dean had been gutted when Cas had to stay home instead. 

So a visit was long overdue. 

He was hesitant at the time to visit Dean and see him face-to-face because of the issues he was facing at home. After settling in Lawrence for nearly twenty years, his parents were planning to move back to Illinois. While Cas was an adult and technically didn’t have to move back with them, he unfortunately didn’t have the funds to afford an apartment in Lawrence. And according to administration, the college dorms were all full up for the rest of his final year. He was unsure how to tell the Winchesters,  _ especially  _ Dean, that he was moving. 

But a life lesson that Mary had taught him was that it was better to do in person. So, he felt a trip to the base was necessary. 

He left at 7:30 in the morning and thankfully, the Saturday morning drive was quick and painless. He arrived at Fort Riley by 8:45 and parked his car at a nearby carpark. While he knew he could bring his car into the base, he found that the whole procedure was pointless considering Dean was meeting him at the gate. 

He spotted Dean immediately when walking up. He seemed to be having a brief conversation with the guard. 

“Cas!” He greeted when their eyes met, his voice filled with mirth. 

“Hi Dean,” He replied, feeling a rush of relief upon seeing his friend there. 

He handed his ID over to the guard. After a brief look, his card was returned and he was issued a visitor pass. As Cas clipped it on, the gate in front of him was opened. Cas walked through and right into the open arms of his best friend. 

“I’m so glad you’re here.” Dean mumbled into Cas’ shoulder. “I’ve missed you.”

Butterflies tingled in Cas’ stomach, but he tried hard to settle them down. 

While in the past year Cas had gotten good at repressing his feelings for Dean, it didn’t mean that every now and then they threatened to bubble to the surface. Today had been the first time he’d seen Dean since his visit the previous year. Unfortunately, he’d forgotten just how beautiful he was. 

“I’ve missed you too… and I’m glad I’m here as well.” Cas responded, pulling away. It was funny how little they used to hug before Dean joined the army. Now? It was almost every time they saw each other. 

“Come on. Let me show you around the base. Most of us don’t have training today so we’re pretty much free as a bird. Some of my buddies are dying to meet you.”

“Really?” Cas asked, confused as to why Dean’s friends would be excited to see him. 

“Are you kidding me? Of course they are! You’re my best friend Cas, I talk their ears off about you.” 

“I didn’t think that would be something you’d admit.”

“Well, usually it isn’t.” Dean said with a laugh. “But I know that they will say something  _ exactly  _ like that just to fuck with me. I figured it’s best you hear it from me first, instead of them. Saves me  _ some  _ embarrassment.” 

Together they began to walk further into the base, towards the barracks where Dean lived. As they strolled together, the two of them exchanged their usual brief updates about their life. Dean promised that after a quick tour, they’d go grab some breakfast and have a long, detailed conversation about what they’d missed. While they updated each other every week during phone calls, there was never enough time to say everything they wanted to say. 

Cas remembered asking Dean about the base ages ago. He asked Dean if it was like what he saw in the movies, where large tanks just drove on by and there were constantly soldiers in their formations. Dean had burst into a fit of laughter.

_ “No Cas. Not at all.”  _

Walking through the base, he could see why Dean thought his question was so ridiculous. It was like a little town, with houses and buildings and roads and streets. Thinking back on his ignorant question made him blush. Dean showed Cas some of the local buildings, including the commissonary. He showed Cas his favourite park and the outside of the barracks where he lived.

“I share a room with a guy called Benny, he’s cool.” Dean said. “He’s got less than a year of living in the barracks because he’s planning on marrying his fiance Andrea in June, around the time we get back from deployment.”

“When are you being deployed again?” Cas asked, despite it being his  _ least  _ favourite topic of conversation.

“Just after Christmas.” Dean said. 

“Will you be back by May?” 

“I’m really not sure Cas, why?”

Cas was silent for a moment while Dean pieced it together.

“Oh shit Cas… your graduation?”

Cas nodded but quickly spoke before Dean could try and beat himself up for it.

“It’s fine Dean. If you’re deployed, it’s  _ absolutely  _ fine. It’s just a silly graduation, it’s nothing important.” 

“Shut up, Cas,” Dean said with a roll of his eyes.  _ “Of course,  _ your graduation is important. I don’t know when I’ll be back, but I promise, I’m going to try my hardest to be there, okay?”

“I know Dean. I know you will.” 

They found their way onto the main street, where a bunch of stores and cafes were located. As they began to try and find a place to eat, they ran into Dean’s friends along the way.

“Who’s this you got here, Dean?” One asked with a friendly smile. “This wouldn’t be the infamous Cas, would it?” 

Dean shot Cas a look, almost as if to say:  _ “Told you!” _

“You’d be correct.” Dean laughed. “Guys, this is my buddy Cas. Cas, this is Garth as well as Benny and Aaron.”

“It’s nice to meet you Cas.” Garth said, holding his hand out to shake. “Dean here just doesn’t shut up about you.”

Cas chuckled and shook his hand, now knowing that Dean actually  _ was _ right when he said his friends were going to tease him. 

“Yeah, yeah, okay.” Dean huffed. 

Benny and Aaron both made their introductions as well. When he shook Benny’s hand, he made sure to congratulate him on his engagement. The soldier’s eyes lit up at Cas’ words. 

They exchanged a few more pleasantries before Dean and Cas continued to wander, planning to finally go and get their breakfast for the day. 

They ended up just going to the local Starbucks, both getting a small pastry each and a coffee. It was only by the time that both of their coffees had dwindled down to almost nothing, that Cas decided to bring up his parent’s decision. 

“What?” Dean nearly yelled upon hearing about the move. “Cas, you can’t move! You have one semester left of college!” 

“I have nowhere else to go Dean, at least for now.” Cas sighed. “Once I teach for a few years, I might be able to save up enough money to move back. Believe me, I don’t want to live in Pontiac  _ at all,  _ but unfortunately I made the stupid decision of living at home for college. I should’ve just moved into the dorms. Maybe then I would’ve had the motivation to find a job… maybe I would still be living there…”

“Ssh, Cas, it’s okay.” Dean said, obviously wanting to stop Cas from continuing to ramble. “I already have a solution. Hand me your phone.” 

Cas frowned but did as he was told, passing his phone to Dean. He watched as Dean located the contacts before dialing a number and holding the phone to his ear. 

“Hey Mom, it’s Dean. I’m just calling from Cas’ phone. Listen, he’s got a situation…”   
  
Cas felt his eyes widen when he realised where Dean was going with the conversation and he quietly tried to get him to stop, without causing a scene in a public place. Dean ignored him though and continued talking on the phone, explaining the entire situation to Mary and saying the very words Cas was dreading to hear.

“I was thinking… Can he stay with you guys? I mean… My bedroom is practically free year round-- Oh… okay. Yep I’ll tell him. Okay, talk soon. Right, love you, bye.” 

He hung up the phone and handed it back to Cas. For a moment, Cas figured that Mary had said no. Which, he wouldn’t be surprised by, considering that having an extra person under their roof would obviously increase expenses. He never wanted to burden the Winchesters, especially after how much care and love the family had provided him over the years.

“I’m guessing it’s a no?” He asked weakly, pocketing his phone. Dean glared at him.

“Are you kidding me? Mom wouldn’t let me finish before telling me to tell  _ you  _ that you’re an idiot.”

Cas raised his eyebrows. “What?”

“She’s mad you didn’t come to her sooner.” Dean said with a huff. “Cas, buddy, how many times do I have to tell you that you’re part of the family? I mean Sam already sees you as an older brother, Mom and Dad think of you as another son. Mom told you almost everyday growing up how welcome you were there.  _ Of course,  _ she is fine with you living there. She said she wants to talk about it with you tomorrow, once you’re back in Lawrence.”

“What about me living in your room? I mean… what happens when you come home?”

“We have the spare mattress, remember? The one you slept on all the time when we were kids? I’ll just sleep on that. My room is practically your room too. You’ve spent so much time in it. Plus, I’m never there anymore. Turn it into your room for all I care.” 

“Dean… I don’t know what to --”

“Just shut up, okay? You’re family, Cas, and family helps each other out. We’re gonna be there for you no matter what, capiche?” 

_ I’m not going to cry. I’m not going to cry. I’m not going to cry.  _ Cas thought repeatedly as tears prickled in his eyes. Dean noticed and quickly pulled Cas into a hug, giving him a moment to calm himself down before he began to bawl in front of prying eyes. Once he’d wiped the remaining tears from his eyes, the two of them cleared up their trash before heading back out. 

Cas left just before 5:00 that evening. The two of them hugged at the gate, promising to have a call at their usual time that week. 

“I better hear that you are all moved into your new bedroom,” Dean warned. 

Cas promised that he'd begin the moving process the very next day. Then, with one last weak goodbye, he headed out to his car. 

Because the frequency of cars on the road had increase, the drive home wasn’t as quick as the drive there. As he waited in standstill traffic, he stared out at the pale pink of the evening sky and thought about Dean’s words. He couldn’t believe the love and care that he was constantly shown by the Winchester’s; he never wanted to do anything to mess that up or to ruin his place in the beautiful family he was so lucky to know. And those feelings he kept repressing? They would’ve ruined everything. He knew Dean would never reciprocate them, he’d never see Cas as anything more than a best friend.  _ A brother.  _ And while it was hard, Cas was just going to have to accept that. 

What was more important was that he had Dean in his life and he would never,  _ ever _ do anything to screw that up. 

  


* * *

  



	5. IV

#  IV. 

**Saturday, May 17th 2014**

Despite it only being late morning, it was warm and suffocating inside the large stadium. 

With the bright pulsing lights, their long thick robes and the amount of bodies all packed tightly together, Cas wasn’t surprised that he had begun to sweat almost  _ everywhere.  _ With summer nearing, he was annoyed that the college didn’t think to put some fans around the place for at least  _ some  _ relief. 

Yet at the same time he couldn’t be too agitated. This Saturday? This Saturday was graduation day.

Four years of hard work and determination had paid off and now he was finally getting his degree. In just a few minutes, he would finally be Mr. Novak: Elementary School Teacher. While he’d already gotten his teacher certification approved, his degree would make it all feel actually  _ real.  _

After the opening speeches, the groups of graduates began to go up row by row in alphabetical order. It took a while, but slowly they eventually reached Cas’ row of the M-N last names. He felt the excitement tingle on his skin as he lined up by the makeshift stage, ready to go up and receive the crisp piece of paper that he had been working all these years for. He smoothed his robe and secured the  mortarboard  on his head. Soon the line in front of him dwindled down and he eventually made it to the stage, waiting off to the side as the person in front of them received theirs. Then, the dean turned to him and it was time.

“Castiel James Novak.” 

While the whole crowd clapped for him, he couldn’t help but hear the loud booming cheers from somewhere towards the back of the stands. A large grin spread across his face as he shook the dean’s hand, grabbed his degree and paused for a professional photo. He knew for a fact that Mary would purchase a copy of that photo later to frame on the mantle. She had pictures of them all over the house, displayed on the walls and tables. However, the mantle only had three pictures on it: one of all five of them at Christmas in 2011, a picture of Cas and Dean at their high school graduation and another of Dean when he graduated from basic training. Mary had mentioned to Cas that she had two frames put aside to also feature on the mantle: one for Cas’ graduation and another for Sam’s high school graduation the following weekend. 

The cheers were from Mary, Sam and John. His parents were “unable to attend”, which Cas wasn’t too bothered by. They had barely spoken since they’d moved in late December, which wasn’t surprising considering how little they spoke when Cas lived with him. He was grateful that the Winchesters could be there for him and cheer him on, even with the noticeable absence of Dean. 

He missed Dean terribly, especially now that he was deployed. While they wrote letters back and forth constantly, calls were few and far between. Dean always said that he was only able to video chat from what he called a FOB, which John later explained was a Forward Operating Base. And considering Dean was constantly out on missions, he wasn’t there very often. 

They had Skyped earlier that week, where Dean broke the news that they would still be in Afghanistan for the following few weeks, meaning he’d miss both Cas  _ and  _ Sam’s graduations. Considering Sam was valedictorian, he was quite upset that his older brother would be missing it. While Cas was also upset that Dean wasn’t there, he’d had months to process the news. Dean had warned him all those months ago that he might not make it back home in time to witness the ceremony. In the end, that was okay. He could always watch the recorded video later, and Cas instead would just make the most of seeing Dean at his homecoming ceremony at the airbase. 

He went and sat back down and after a few more speeches, the ceremony finished. With a round of applause, the graduates began to pour out of the venue, ready to find their families and take photos. Cas found the Winchesters almost immediately and Mary was the first to pull him into a tight hug.

“I’m so proud of you, Cas!” She whispered in his ear. 

When they broke apart, he moved on to hug Sam, before getting a quick embrace and clap on the back from John. When the older Winchester let him go, he immediately reached into his back pocket and pulled out a small envelope. 

“Just to help you get set up in your new classroom.” John said. 

He passed the envelope to Cas who hesitantly opened it. His eyes nearly flew out of his head when he saw the cheque for $1000.

“No… Mary and John… I can’t. This is  _ way  _ too much.” 

Mary scoffed and shook her head, “Nonsense, Cas. We know you are going to have to get a bunch of supplies and resources when you start up and we want to help! You deserve this, after how hard you worked.”

Cas was at a loss for words.

“It’s… I already live with you. I have some money, I can manage --” 

“It’s not negotiable.” Mary insisted, her voice firm. However, Cas was able to pick up on a slight twinkle to her eye.

“Plus, John and I only chipped in $500. The other half is from someone else.”

Cas barely had time to register the words, let alone ask  _ who?  _ Before someone tapped his shoulder. 

He turned around to see Dean standing there, a gigantic grin on his face. 

“Miss me?” He asked.

Cas threw himself into his friend’s arms.

“You  _ asshole!”  _ He exclaimed, hearing the laughter from the rest of their family. Dean laughed too and Cas felt the vibrations as he nestled his head on Dean’s shoulder.

“C’mon, I told you I was going to do everything to be here!” Dean said as they pulled apart. “I’m just lucky that we were able to return home Wednesday. I just stayed at a motel so I could surprise you.”

Cas turned to look at Sam, who had a look of faux innocence on his face.

“Did you know?” He asked. 

Sam sent him a sheepish smile and nodded. Cas turned to look back at Dean, bemused.

“What? It’s not like I could’ve surprised him when his ceremony isn’t until next week!” 

Cas rolled his eyes and with that, the family left for lunch. 

  
  


* * *

* * *

The rest of the day went smoothly, with lunch and celebrations up until the late afternoon. They had a small dinner, still full from lunch and retired to bed early. They set up a mattress on the floor for Dean, despite Cas’ insistence that he take the bed. The two of them were silent for a while, both of them reading in preparation for bed. Cas was reading a random novel he had picked up from the local bookstore. Dean was reading the sequel to  _ Miss Peregrine’s Home for Peculiar Children,  _ as it had been released while he was deployed. 

After a while, Dean put the book down and sat up. Cas looked over at him in confusion. 

“Cas, I need to talk to you about something.”

He didn’t reply and instead put his book down on the side table and sat up, giving Dean his full undivided attention. 

“Okay so… as you know it’s nearly been four years since I joined the army.”

Cas nodded. He was aware.

“And… and when my contract is up, I’m planning to renew it.”

“Okay?” Cas asked, confused. This wasn’t exactly surprising news, considering he already knew Dean would be renewing his contract. It was pretty usual for a soldier to do two four year contracts. 

“Well, uhm… signing a new contract means moving to a new base.” Dean said. “I’m… I’m moving to Alaska, Cas.” 

Cas blinked. “Alaska?”

“Yeah… I’ve already talked to my superiors about it. In August I’ll be moving to the new base and I’ll be calling that home for the next four years.”

The thought of Dean living so far away made his insides run cold. He gulped and took a breath, trying to process Dean’s words. 

“We’ll still call you every week, I promise. I’ll write letters and Skype you when I’m deployed. It just means that you won't be able to visit me or see my homecoming ceremonies unless you are able to fly over. But, I won’t break contact with you okay? I may be a couple thousand miles away, but it doesn’t mean you stop being my friend.” 

Before he knew it, Dean got up from the mattress and sat down next to Cas, pulling him into a hug. If the news wasn’t hitting him so hard, he’d probably laugh over the fact that they were yet again,  _ hugging.  _

“I’m going to miss you.” Cas mumbled. 

Dean sighed, gripping Cas tighter. “I’m going to miss you too.”

They talked a little longer, before settling back into bed to sleep. Cas stared at the ceiling, wide awake as the thoughts continued to rack his brain. His head felt full, there were too many things he was unable to process. 

He felt himself reaching over for the watch on his bedside, the one he only took off when he showered and slept. He traced his thumb over the leather.

_ Change is inevitable.  _ He reminded himself.

_ But at least, you still have Dean.  _


	6. V

# V.

  


**Friday, February 19th 2016**

It was only a couple of weeks into the new semester and already Cas was exhausted. The winter brought many things to his classroom: muddy footprints, heaters blasting and rowdy students. He shouldn’t be surprised, considering he had faced this before, but it didn’t make it any easier. By the end of each day, he was left worn out with his classroom and paperwork in a disarray. It was why he happened to stay late that Friday afternoon, finishing up his marking and organising. He also tidied up for their poor school janitor, who didn’t have to deal with the amount of trash his class had spread amongst the desks and floors. 

By quarter to five, he decided to call it quits and finish his marking up at home. He had nothing planned for the weekend, in fact he rarely did. With minimal friends and a heavy workload, he spent most of his weekends curled up on the couch either preparing or assessing. And of course, he spent Sunday nights at the Winchester home. With all their children having moved out, he knew that Mary and John felt a little lonely in their big empty house. With Dean in Alaska and Sam attending Stanford in California, Cas felt the need to visit them as frequently as possible. With his own biological parents practically out of his life, the Winchesters were the only family he had left. And he wanted to show them how much he appreciated the care they had shown him all these years.

He packed the work into his satchel and heaved it onto his shoulder, preparing to turn off the lights and lock up the classroom. However, he was stopped by a figure in the doorway, their hand poised and ready to knock on the open door. 

The moment their eyes met, a smile formed on his own face. 

“Dean,” He breathed out, causing the man to reply with a dazzling grin of his own. 

“Hey Cas.” 

It had been over two years since he last saw Dean in person. The last time had been when Dean left Kansas, heading to live in Alaska for four years. There had been tearful goodbyes amongst them all, as they saw Dean off at the airport. While it wasn’t exactly anything new, Dean living away from home, it was much different now that he was permanently living three thousand miles away. Cas was remorseful, wishing he had made the most of his friend living only an hour away. But he didn’t and there they were, saying goodbye. 

He hadn’t realised though that Dean was back from deployment. They had been writing letters to each other for the past four months, with a Skype call here and there. Obviously, Dean was planning to surprise him, hence why he didn’t say his homecoming date. 

The two of them just stayed smiling for a moment, before colliding into each other at full force. Cas gripped tightly onto Dean and breathed in the musty smell of leather and cologne, a signature Dean scent. God, how he had missed his friend. He felt Dean’s arms tighten around him, almost as if he didn’t want to let him go. They stood there like that for at least a minute, before reluctantly pulling away. 

“I missed you,” Dean said, which now seemed to be their usual greeting.

“I missed you too.” Cas echoed. 

They didn’t say anything further as Cas was preparing to leave the classroom. Dean quietly followed him, waiting patiently for Cas to shut everything down and lock up. They walked together, side by side, down the hall and out into the parking lot. As they headed towards Cas’ car, he asked Dean how he got there as he noticed that Dean had a duffle slung over his shoulder. 

_ Taxi,  _ He responded.  _ And then the kind admin lady let me in before she left for the day. _

Cas figured it was Mildred, who was possibly one of the nicest people he had ever met. She was well adored by the staff and students at the school. Not one person he knew could ever say a bad word against her. 

He could practically feel Dean shudder as they got to Cas’ 1998 Ford Falcon. He wasn’t surprised, considering he grew up with John Winchester as a father, a man who repaired and restored classic cars for a living. His auto shop was the best in the state and well-loved by the locals. Dean spent many summers working there, repairing cars under his father’s instruction. Cas had also spent some summers there doing admin and enjoyed seeing how happy his friend was under the hood of a car. 

John had not been a fan of Cas’ car either, but reluctantly helped him get it set up and running smoothly. Cas could tell that Dean was concerned about the car, warily eyeing it. However, despite his hesitance, he got in. 

They drove back to Cas’ place, a small one bedroom unit in the suburbs. It was a tiny little home, but it was warm and cosy, just the way he liked it. They agreed to go out for dinner, once Cas had showered and changed. Dean explained that he was happy to chill out on the couch until Cas was ready to go.

It didn’t take long for him to get ready once they got there. However, when he returned to the living room, he found Dean napping on his sofa. For it being secondhand, it was surprisingly comfortable. He figured that Dean had a long flight and a tiring few months in Afghanistan, so he decided that a night in was best for the both of them. He was tired as well, after a long week of teaching. 

By the time Cas had changed into his sweatpants, ordered two pizzas and two episodes of  _ Friends  _ had aired, Dean woke up.

“Shit… did I fall asleep?” He asked, his voice a drowsy drawl. Cas ignored how good the deep rumble of his friend’s voice sounded. 

“Yes, but that’s okay.” Cas replied. “You were tired. Plus, I already ordered some pizzas for dinner. Pepperoni for me and a Meat Lover’s with extra bacon for you.” 

Dean chuckled through a yawn, before looking over at him. “You know me too well, man.” 

Cas also ignored the warm feeling of pleasure that shivered up his spine. 

The pizzas came and Dean paid, despite Cas’ refusal. 

“Hey, I’m the guest. You’re letting me nap on your couch, the least I can do is pay for dinner.” 

“You know you are always welcome here,” Cas said. “You’re… hmm… what’s that word you always say to me? I can’t  _ quite _ remember…”

Dean rolled his eyes. “Yeah, yeah, we’re family. Can we eat now? I’m starving.” 

They parked themselves on the sofa, a sitcom playing in the background as they talked. Dean talked a little more about his deployment, only a few small stories about himself and the other soldiers during their down time. He didn’t like to talk much about Afghanistan and Cas couldn’t blame him. Cas ended up talking more for both of them, talking about the students he taught and the various funny stories of what occured in the classroom. Dean seemed amused and that’s all he could really ask for. 

As Cas was packing up the pizza boxes, he saw Dean startle a bit. Cas turned to look at him, confused. 

“Hey, you remember Aaron? You met him at Fort Riley a few years ago?”

“Yes I vaguely remember him. He seemed nice.” Cas replied. 

“Yeah well I’ve kept in touch with him and the other buddies from there. He’s finished his contract and is back home in Nebraska. And guess what?”

“What?” Cas answered absentmindedly, still clearing up their dinner. 

“Turns out he’s gay! He’s engaged to his best friend from back home and they’re getting married in the fall of next year. He called me to invite me to the wedding just before I was deployed.”

Cas couldn’t help but freeze. His heart began to thump in his chest and his throat ran dry. He couldn’t help but wonder what Dean was going to say next.

“Anyways, I think I may have finished my contract by then… so I’ll be able to go.”

Cas blinked.

“You.. you want to go?” 

He saw Dean frown out of the corner of his eye. “Of course! Why wouldn’t I…? Wait… did you think…”

He could feel Dean tense as he connected the dots, understanding what Cas was implying. 

Cas gulped but didn’t look at him, turning his head away. In all honesty, he hadn’t known what to think. While he knew, deep down that his friend wasn’t homophobic, he had no idea whether his opinion had changed over the years. He was the definition of the All-American boy, with a loving family, good looks and a patriotic job. He had a life many guys wanted, even dreamt about. And unfortunately over the years, Cas had encountered too many guys with the stereotypical life that Dean lived. And unlike his friend, these people weren’t the kindest to those who were different to them. 

Unbeknownst to Dean, Cas had come out the previous year after going on several dates with a man. While he turned out to have nothing in common with him, causing the spark to dwindle after two dates, he felt that it was time for him to go public. He didn’t have many friends in Lawrence, so really the only people he had an open conversation with were Mary, John, Miss Missouri and his leadership team at the school. Everyone was supportive, especially considering the same-sex marriage legalisation that was happening around the same time. 

He had wanted to tell Dean the entire time, ever since he practically knew he was gay. But he’d always been worried, afraid of coming out to a world that for so long had been unaccepting. Growing up in a small city in the midwest left Cas feeling isolated from anyone who had a similar sexuality to him. Most of the time, he experienced them on mainstream media and overall, it was practically the stereotypes that Cas never found himself fully aligning with. Cas was not confident nor witty and he had a horrible fashion sense. He was nothing like his sexuality was portrayed to be. 

Plus, he never saw a gay character in love with his best friend, the way he was in love with Dean. 

So not only was he afraid of coming out to Dean, who he worried would have the same opinion as some of their former high school peers. But, he was worried about blurting out a love confession to the last person he’d ever want to know.

“Cas… how could you think that? That  _ me,  _ of  _ all  _ people, would be one of those homophobic jackasses?” Dean said, a heated edge to his voice. 

“I… no, it’s not like that Dean, I swear.” Cas groaned, finally turning to face Dean and abandoning their trash. “Look… I should be honest with you…”

As he took a breath, trying to gain the courage to finally admit those words he had never said, he was interrupted by Dean.

“I’m bisexual.” The man before him stated casually, as if he hadn’t just dropped the biggest truth bomb. Cas knew that if that moment had been in some cliche rom-com, he’d be dropping something right about now, or better yet, spluttering mid-drink. Yet instead, he stood rooted to the spot, hands limp at his side as he stared at Dean, trying to process his words. He could barely breathe, let alone think of something coherent to respond. Luckily for him, Dean continued talking. 

“I… goddamnit…” He muttered, taking a moment to rub his palms against his jeans. “Look man… I wasn’t meant to just say it like this but… god Cas… I’m… I’m not homophobic, okay? Far from it. I just… I never knew for a while… not until I joined the army. I’ve always digged chicks, I mean I obviously dated Lisa Braedan for a while back in junior year. And I really liked her, thought she was hot and everything. But… there has just been something else. And I can’t… I could never describe it. Like why I got flustered everytime we watched Dr. Sexy as teenagers. I never really could admit it and it took me a long time to accept it. I mean… Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell wasn’t repealed until three years ago and if I had mentioned anything before that, I would’ve been kicked out. I’ve… I’ve had lots of time over the years to think about it and come to terms with it. I haven’t told anyone… not until today. I just… I just needed you to know. It’s… it’s been a long time coming.” 

It took Cas a few minutes to regain his composure, the nerves and synapses in his brain finally becoming functional again. When he was able to process Dean’s words, he immediately found himself moving forward to the couch and sitting beside his friend, so that they were pressed up against each other. They sat like that for a few minutes, in complete silence, just the sound of both of them breathing. Cas knew a hug was too…  _ big  _ and overly emotional for the moment and no physical contact was too subtle, not enough of a comfort to Dean who’d just revealed a huge, secret part of his life. So he hoped the small gesture was enough for Dean to know that he accepted him. That he was there for him. That he  _ appreciated  _ him and his confession.

After a while, Cas finally felt brave enough to reveal his truth.

“I… I’ve been wanting to tell you for a while now but.. I haven’t been able to… you’ve been away and I’ve been scared.” He peaked a glance at Dean. The man was staring at his knees, but Cas knew he was listening. “I’m… gay.”

A small smile flickered on Dean’s lips.

“Yeah Cas… I know.” 

That was something else that Cas hadn’t been expecting. 

_ “What?” _

“I’ve known for a while, Cas… '' Dean admitted, turning slightly so that they could face each other. Cas worried that maybe Mary or John had told him and that Dean felt betrayed that he hadn’t been told first. However, he finished his sentence. 

“...ever since we were both sixteen.” 

Cas stopped mid-inhale.  _ He’s known for that long? _

“You used to idolise that guy… who? Bart? He was the captain of the track team and you adored him. No matter how much I told you that he was a grade A dickhead. And… one day I just saw the way you looked at him and  _ knew.  _ But… you were very private about it and I knew you weren’t ready to come out. Hell. I was barely coming to grips with my own sexuality at that point. So I’ve never asked you about it because I never wanted you to feel pressured.”

Cas exhaled. “I… I had no idea you knew this whole time. I thought maybe your parents told you.” 

“My parents know?” Dean asked, eyebrows raised. Cas gulped.

“Yeah I… I kind of came out last October? Only to a few people because well… I don’t have many friends here. I wanted to tell you but I wanted to wait until we met in person… until now.” 

Dean smiled and reached up to clap Cas on the shoulder. “It’s all good, I’m not mad. I’m glad you feel close enough to my parents to tell them. I… I need to tell them but I just… I’ve never needed to? I haven’t dated any guys yet, I have no idea if I  _ ever  _ will but I just… I guess they should know in case I do.” 

Cas shrugged. “You’ve kept my sexuality a secret all this time. Don’t feel pressured if it isn’t the right time. I’ll keep it quiet for as long as you want me too, even if it’s until we are both on our deathbeds.” 

Dean grinned one of his specialty smiles. The one where his tongue nestled just behind his teeth, and his eyes glimmered. Cas felt his stomach swoon. 

“Thanks man. I appreciate that.” 

Cas hadn’t felt that elated in a long time. Not only had he finally told Dean that he was gay, but to find out that his friend knew the whole time  _ and  _ was supportive? Not only that… but he liked guys as well? It almost felt too good to be true. As if Cas was the main character in some sort of fever dream. 

“I’m just wondering though… why did it take you so long to come out? I mean… were you not comfortable with your sexuality like me… or…?” Dean asked.

“No, it’s not that.” Cas said with a shake of his head. “I accepted that I was gay long ago but… I just felt like it was never something I needed to admit? Not until I was at least dating. But for a while, dating was far from my mind and then when it was, I just… I didn’t want to have to tell you that…”

_ Crap.  _

Cas realised where he was leading the conversation and stopped abruptly, his heart rate quickening as he registered what he was about to say. He was going to tell Dean that he was in love with him. Somehow, in his euphoria filled brain, he was casually going to blurt out the feelings he had tried to hide for so many years. Dean must have noticed his panic and looked at him in confusion.

“Cas… what? What were you going to tell me?” 

_ No. I’m so not doing this.  _

“No it’s… you know what? Nevermind.” Cas pulled away and started to get up off the couch. However, a strong grip circled around his wrist and pulled him back. He struggled to leave again, really  _ not  _ wanting to face the conversation he dreaded ever happening, but Dean was stubborn. He grabbed Cas’ other wrist and turned him so that they were facing each other again. He turned his head away, trying to resist looking at the puppy dog expression he was  _ sure  _ his friend was wearing. But after feeling the strength of the gaze, he knew it was no use. Reluctantly, he turned to meet Dean’s stare, seeing the way his eyes swam with every emotion he was feeling. He saw the way he was communicating with Cas, pleading to him, without any words being spoken. It was as if they had returned back to the day they met, where with one exchange, the two of them silently became friends. 

“Tell me what.” Dean murmured, his voice firm. Cas could feel his hands shaking beneath Dean’s grip and the harsh way the two of them were both breathing. As he looked at Dean, he knew that his friend already knew. He _knew_ Cas’ feelings -- what he was trying to say. Yet, he just needed that confirmation. He needed Cas to say them. 

So, he obliged. 

“I was scared to say anything, because I was afraid… that if I did… I’d admit I liked you… that I loved you… not in the way that I should.” 

He heard Dean’s breath shudder as he loosened his grip. He blinked, once… then twice, before responding.

“How long?”

“I’ve known about it for a little while… since college.” Cas whispered. “But… I think I felt like that for a long time before that.” 

He sighed and tore his hands from Dean’s grip. The man continued to stare at him with wide eyes.

“I… You don’t have to feel the same for me. Just because you’re bi, doesn’t mean I think anything is going to happen.”

He stood up again and walked away from the couch, continuing back to what he was doing before. 

“I accepted that we weren’t going to be together a long time ago, pretty much as soon as I realised my feelings for you.”

He didn’t dare look over at Dean as he said those words, embarrassed and hurt by what he was saying. He grabbed the trash he’d collated and walked into the adjoining kitchen. 

“I’ve been trying to move on because no matter what happens, I want us to stay friends.” He called out as he stuffed the rubbish into his bin. “I couldn’t imagine losing our friendship over something like this… especially because I know eventually those feelings could change and ---”

“Well, what if I don’t want them to?”

Cas whipped around, abandoning his task, to see Dean standing in the archway. He was frowning, wringing his hands nervously in front of him. 

“What… what do you mean?” 

“What do I mean?” Dean huffed a small laugh. “I mean that… how do you think I suddenly realised that I was bisexual? I wasn’t able to connect the dots with Dr. Sexy that easily. Cas… I had a dream about you and not just any sort of dream. I dreamt that we were making out, while that song you like… what is it?  _ Blue Eyes?” _

Cas gulped. “ _ B-Behind Blue Eyes  _ by The Who?”

Dean clicked. “Right. _Behind_ _Blue Eyes. That_ was playing. I remember waking up scared as hell, wondering why on Earth I’d have that dream about my best friend. But the more I thought about it, the more it made sense… as scary as it was.”

Cas watched as Dean walked forward so that they were only a couple of inches apart. His brain was malfunctioning, he couldn’t  _ breathe. _

“What I’m saying, dumbass, is… I’m in love with you too, okay? And I never thought I’d actually see the day where you were in love with me too.”

Cas didn’t know what he was thinking when he crashed forward into Dean, but he supposed he wasn’t really thinking at all. His mind was going into overdrive and as soon as their lips connected, it was like every spark in his brain was going haywire. Dean immediately circled his arms around Cas, holding him close while he kept his arms awkwardly on Dean’s neck. The kiss started off hesitant, slow and sweet as both of them tentatively explored each other. But the more they became comfortable, the hungrier it got. Dean pulled him in closer and he dragged his hands up to Dean’s hair, gripping onto it. It elicited a moan from Dean which vibrated against Cas’ lips. He soaked in it, basked in it and enjoyed the feeling of exhilaration running through his veins, as if it were a dose of pure ecstasy. 

He’d only kissed one guy before Dean, which had been his first ever kiss. And having his first kiss at 23 meant that it was a whole, new, daunting experience. His first kiss had been pleasant, but timid and it had done nothing to spark any feelings or emotions from Cas. This kiss however, was completely different. Not only did the feelings between them play a major factor, but the truth was, he felt  _ safe  _ with Dean. He wasn’t scared of kissing him or trying a risky move. He wasn’t afraid that Dean would make fun of him if he did something inexperienced. He felt comfortable and secure. 

The kiss felt like home. 

Eventually, they broke apart to catch their breaths, both of them sporting a matching pair of swollen lips. Cas felt flushed and hot, with little tingles of excitement bursting all over his body. He smiled at Dean. 

“I think we need to talk.” He said. 

_ ‘I think we need to discuss this before we go any further,’  _ was what he meant.

“Definitely.” Dean replied with a grin.

  


* * *

* * *

  


After an in depth discussion full of all the things they’d kept from each other, the night ended with the both of them curled up on the couch. Cas had his head resting on Dean’s chest, while the other man was entranced in the  _ Star Wars  _ movie on the screen (Cas had no idea which one… he would never admit to Dean that he wasn’t a fan). As Cas slowly began to drift, he felt Dean run a hand through his hair. 

“There’s something I know about this for sure.” He said. 

Cas hummed in response, prompting Dean to continue.

“I think I’m going to need to tell my parents I’m bi now.” 

  



	7. Epilogue

# EPILOGUE

  


**Saturday, September 3rd 2018**

The crowd around him buzzed, full of excitement and anticipation. All the people in his near vicinity were laughing and talking, amongst the swirl of blue, red and white. He saw children gripping handmade signs, older couples in hysterics as they waited, women staring into the sky as they waited for the plane to descend. It was moving to see how many people came together, all to await the homecoming of their loved ones.

Cas stood off to the side, dressed in a nice brown shirt and jeans. In his hand, he gripped a tiny US flag. He knew no one else there, considering he was there as a surprise. Dean thought no one was coming to his homecoming ceremony, considering it was across the country in Alaska. John and Mary had already had a trip planned to Hawaii for their anniversary and Sam had just started an internship as well as his senior year of pre-law. And that left Cas, who wasn’t expected to come due to it being during the beginning of the school year. 

What Dean hadn’t known was that Cas had planned to attend all along. 

He’d been saving since the day he and Dean got together, pocketing spare change into a jar to save for flights and accommodation. Once he knew when the day would be, he booked time off at the school and prepared all the materials for whatever substitute was taking over. Then he just waited until September 2nd arrived, where he hopped onto a redeye flight direct to Fairbanks, Alaska. From there he tiredly drove his rental car to Fort Wainwright, where he arrived early in the morning at the smalll Holiday Inn where he was staying. After getting checked in by the tired receptionist on night shift, he got in a quick 2 hour nap before he had to get ready.

He would be seeing Dean for the first time in nine months. And in a week, Dean would no longer be employed by the US military. 

Dean’s contract had ended three weeks prior to homecoming and he’d told Cas the previous December that he wasn’t going to renew it. With their relationship still so new, the both of them wanted nothing more than to spend time together. But they’d only seen each other for a couple of weeks in December and then previously in February of 2016. Most of their contact with each other had been through their regular phone calls. Dean admitted that he’d enjoyed his time in the Army and he was glad that he chose to enlist. Yet after everything, he felt it was time for him to come home. 

Dean was meant to return to Kansas the following Saturday, after he spent the week packing up, getting cleared and obtaining the correct paperwork for his honourable discharge. Cas was meant to meet him at the airport on the 9th. Little did Dean know that Cas would be returning home  _ with  _ him. 

The chatter began to increase in volume as they watched the plane begin to descend onto the tarmac. They all cheered as it landed and they watched their soldiers disembark onto United States soil. As the soldiers walked off, the crowd huddled into the large airplane hangar behind them, where banners and flags were displayed proudly. They all stood together for a few minutes, until the doors were opened and the soldiers marched in. As they walked past them in formation, Cas spotted Dean in the middle. While Dean kept his eyes forward and his face neutral, Cas just  _ knew  _ that he had spotted him in the crowd. 

The ceremony in formation lasted only a few minutes, but Cas knew that for himself and everyone there, that it felt like it went on for _hours._ However, when it finally came to a close, shouts and screams were heard all around as family members, friends and soldiers collided together after months of being separated. 

It didn’t take long for Cas to find Dean, as he saw his boyfriend madly dashing through the crowds. He figured that Dean was surprised and was probably debating if Cas had been a hallucination of some sort. Cas could feel the emotion bubbling inside him, the tears threatening to spill over as the anticipation of waiting and  _ longing,  _ almost at an end. He tried to keep his composure, but as soon as their eyes met, Cas knew it was all over for him. 

He ran into Dean’s arms as fast as his legs would take him, burying his head into his partner’s shoulder, a heaving sob filling his chest. Dean gripped him tight, almost as if he too was hesitant to let go. They stood like that for a while, too scared to break the moment they were sharing. When they finally pulled apart, Dean had watery eyes that he was trying to clear through rapid blinks. He smiled.

“I missed you.” He said in greeting. Cas laughed.

“I missed you too.”

And as they stood together in that moment, Cas thought back to the many moments that he had experienced before --- the moments just like that. He thought about those times of longing and despair. The times he’d reunite with Dean, only to have him leave again. He thought about how much he truly missed Dean, in all those years that had just passed. He thought about how finally, after all that time, they were going home together and he’d never have to miss Dean like that again.

  


* * *

* * *

  


As they walked out of the hangar together, Cas smiled.

_ You know what?  _ He thought to himself.

_ Sometimes, change  _ **_is_ ** _ good.  _

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

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